Create Connection & Aliveness
You've made it here because your desire for intimate connections and a rich, vibrant life has gone unmet. You're feeling disconnected, lost, overwhelmed, or inauthentic-afraid to open your heart, speak your truth. or show up fully as yourself. In your most honest moments, you know you deserve so much more.
I know you're struggling, and I'm truly glad you're here with me. Recognizing the need for change is never easy, but it's the powerful first step toward self-discovery, healing, and growth.
In my supportive Massapequa, New York practice as a trauma-informed therapist with over 20 years of clinical expertise, I offer compassionate individual therapy, trauma therapy, and couples therapy in a safe, grounding space where you set the pace and never feel rushed or judged.
Together, we'll gently cut through the fog, rebuild self-trust, and restore clarity, resilience, and emotional freedom. You'll move beyond overwhelm and disconnection into greater purpose, passion, joy, and the deep connections you've been longing for-feeling. more alive and fully yourself again,
Ready to begin?
Living Consciously
Do you know that much of what drives your present decisions, choices and habits is rooted in past conditioning, and unconscious motives and fears?
It is likely that, like so many, you are not acting, choosing, planning and deciding from a place of consciousness. This is why you might feel stuck, unable to elicit change, or experience relief and joy.
The path out of this is through the power of insight and honesty, and in bringing to light all that you act on outside of your awareness.
Creating a safe space to embark on this explorative journey is your first step.
Let's begin...
Meet Marialeen Martorella, LCSW-R, CCTP | Board-Certified Psychotherapist
Move through pain toward personal growth and secure relationships.
Achieving wholeness requires a guide who truly understands the deep complexities of human connection. As a a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), board certified, and licensed psychotherapist (LCSW-R, BCD) based in Massapequa, NY, I specialize in trauma-informed relational therapy for individuals and couples. With over 20 years experience, I help clients uncover deeper life stories, heal relational patterns, attachment wounds, and trauma, while improving communication and fostering authentic, joyful, and meaningful connections with themselves and others.
I am trained in The Gottman Method, and Internal Family Systems (IFS), attachment-based work, and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). I integrate these evidence-based approaches to gently guide you through pain and relational challenges toward deeper understanding, conflict resolution, intimacy, and personal growth.
As a NYU graduate with extensive clinical training, I bring dedicated expertise to individuals and couples in Massapequa, Nassau County, and surrounding Long Island areas. I understand that the patterns formed in your earliest relationships often serve as an internal roadmap shaping how you experience trust and safety today. That's why I've dedicated my career to helping people gently uncover these unconscious patterns-so they may finally break free from old relational wounds and everything that holds them back. In my trauma-informed practice, I create a safe space to process complex experiences, rebuild trust and safety, and create the connected, purposeful and vibrant life you truly deserve.
My Therapy Services in Massapequa, Long Island
When you're searching for a trusted Long Island therapist, you deserve specialized care that truly fits your unique emotional needs and relationship dynamics. I provide compassionate, targeted support through individual relational therapy, couples & marriage therapy, and trauma therapy-all designed to help you move beyond surface struggles and create lasting change.
Individual Relational Therapy
Some seasons of life feel overwhelmingly heavy. Whether you're carrying profound grief, healing from past abuse or a painful breakup, or struggling to find purpose and connection, you deserve a private space to heal. In this supportive setting, I offer targeted therapy to help reduce distressing symptoms, break painful patterns, rebuild self-worth, and regain a sense of clarity and emotional freedom.
Couples and Marriage Therapy
Feeling distant or stuck in ongoing conflict? Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating repeated arguments, or simply wanting to feel close again, my expert couples and marriage therapy offers a clear path to rebuild trust, restore emotional safety, and strengthen your relational bond. Together we create a safe space to improve communication, deepen intimacy, and reconnect with the partnership you both deserve.
Feeling stuck with anxiety, depression, hypervigilance, or the lasting effects of trauma? In my Long Island practice, I offer specialized trauma therapy that gently addresses the root causes-not just surface symptoms. Using a trauma-informed approach, we regulate your nervous system, process difficult experiences at your own pace, and help you move from overwhelm to safety, self-trust, and lasting emotional freedom.
Move beyond surface-level talk therapy to real, lasting change.
Working with an experienced trauma-informed therapist on Long Island means going far deeper than basic talk therapy. Instead of simply managing symptoms with temporary fixes, I use proven, trauma-informed methods to address the root causes of your distress-helping you heal fully and create meaningful shifts in how you feel, relate, and live. My evidence-based approach to healing, will guide you through three clear supportive phases:
Healing Through Connection
Rebuild safety, trust, and authentic relationships with yourself and others.
Healing Through Insight
Gain clarity and understanding of the patterns that have held you back.
Healing Through Change
Develop lasting tools and new ways of being so you can move forward with confidence and purpose.
Healing Through Connection
The relationships that surround you today offer a profound opportunity to learn, heal, thrive, and grow. In loving and connecting with another, we often touch on deep, hidden wounds we may not have realized existed in us.
While those relationship triggers can feel incredibly painful, they are actually a powerful opportunity to heal. Using proven approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Gottman Method, we will use those exact triggers as a roadmap to repair and rebuild your view of self and other, ultimately restoring a true sense of emotional safety in your life.
Healing Through Insight
Think of our sessions as a safe harbor where you can put your guard down and talk about anything you wish: day-to-day issues, memories, dreams, or any feelings that come to mind. Together, we will gently uncover the hidden, recurring themes and patterns from your past that are secretly driving your choices today.
Often, what we push away holds the most benefit for releasing us. By integrating Internal Family Systems (IFS), we will connect with the parts of you that feel defensive or stuck, allowing you to finally release the unnecessary, protective patterns that once felt completely inescapable.
Healing Through Change
The process of psychotherapy is a journey of gradual self-discovery. As your self-awareness grows, the internalized themes from your past hold less power over you. You will start making decisions from a place of clarity rather than reacting out of survival mode.
As your therapist in Massapequa, my goal is to help you get to know yourself more fully so your confidence increases. Together, we will foster subtle but permanent changes in how you react, respond, and relate, allowing you to experience more fulfilling relationships and a life that feels free, whole, and genuinely yours.
Relationships are everything. Your core sense of self, your worthiness, your ability to trust and your relational patterns are all forged through the quality of love, attunement, and connection that you experienced in your very first relationships as a child.
"Essentially, our earliest relationships
become the roadmap upon
which we are guided on
issues of trust, safety,
and in how we love
and connect deeply to
ourselves and others."
Ready to Step Out of Old Patterns?
You don't have to live your entire life feeling disconnected or without purpose. You already possess the ability to connect deeply and authentically. In order to finally enter a life that feels truly whole and energetic, we occasionally need a secure space to sort through the past and create something new. By increasing insight and self-knowing, you can harness the passion to achieve the life and love you truly desire.
Stay Connected
The #1 thing quietly destroying great men in marriages?
Feeling constantly blamed, emasculated, and utterly exhausted from trying (and failing) to “make her happy.”
These aren’t broken men—they’re consistent providers, devoted fathers, and committed husbands. The real dynamic? Often her unhealed wounds, past trauma, or unmet needs showing up as defensiveness, criticism, or blame-shifting. He ends up chasing harmony; she withdraws or critiques. Sexual spark dies. Resentment builds on both sides.
Ladies: If you have a solid, vow-keeping man who’s eager for your joy… yet you’re still dysregulated or unhappy? The missing key is radical accountability.
✨Pause when blame surges: “What old wound am I projecting onto him?”
✨Swap criticism/control for raw vulnerability.
✨Heal your inner turmoil—your happiness isn’t his to fix.
When you reclaim that self-responsibility, your authentic feminine energy returns: calm, safety, receptivity… and genuine desire ignites again.
Gentlemen: Stop carrying the impossible burden of being her happiness source. That’s her inner work.
⚓️Anchor in your strength—clear boundaries, unwavering integrity, steady presence.
This predictability is the exact security she needs to do her healing… and it reignites magnetic polarity and passion.
This isn’t finger-pointing—it’s the uncomfortable truth that unlocks real transformation: deeper attraction, true harmony, and a marriage that feels alive again.
Not doom. Pure opportunity.
Who’s ready to own their part and watch everything change? 💥❤️
#MarriageHealing #RelationshipDynamics #EmotionalAccountability #growthmindset
Mar 3
In relationships, the deepest connections often unearth our unresolved tensions—those triggers that feel so personal, yet reveal patterns we’ve long sidestepped.
It’s no accident: true intimacy acts as a mirror, exposing vulnerabilities, unhealed wounds, and habitual responses that demand attention.
This isn’t a flaw in your partnership; it’s the mechanism of growth at work. When discomfort arises, it’s an invitation to confront the self you’ve been evading, transforming eruptions into evolution.
Remember,
that friction isn’t the problem.
It’s the invitation.
Shining a spotlight on the parts of you still hiding.
If the mirror’s getting too clear and you’re done cycling the same fights, let’s unpack what’s actually showing up.
#ifs #eft #trauma #heal #wisdom
Feb 10
Struggling with impulsivity that is damaging your relationships?
For many, trauma is a major driving force behind impulsivity, leading to actions we later regret.
Here’s why:
✨Living with trauma feels like constantly fleeing overwhelming emotions. Unable to process these feelings, we turn to shopping, eating, drinking, or reckless behaviors to escape.
✨Emotional dysregulation blocks our ability to self-soothe, pushing us toward quick, shortsighted choices that briefly ease discomfort or racing thoughts. While these impulsive acts offer temporary relief, they often worsen our state later. Reckless behaviors are common in trauma or PTSD, serving as attempts to numb pain and self-protect.
✨These choices come from unconscious parts that serve to protect. This is why for so many their behavior, often chronic, is hard to understand and hard to change.
The good news: we ALL have self energy-core innate wisdom and presence. Our true self is always in service to our highest potential. Remember, a whole self, not our parts, is our greatest healing force.
Making thoughtful, long-term decisions requires a calm, ventral vagal parasympathetic state, where logic overrides survival instincts. Where we are safe to pause, reflect, and act consciously. And where our parts collaborate fostering healing.
To reduce impulsivity, prioritize self-care, emotional regulation, and self-compassion. Develop self leadership through clarity, compassion and connection with your true self.
Before acting, ask, “What would the healthiest version of me choose?”
Through commitment to your healing, you can integrate parts, ultimately fostering wiser decisions and rebuilding a healthier life reflected in thriving #relationships.
#ifs #heal #self #relationships #wisdom #inner #trauma #traumahealing
Apr 21
The Narcissist’s Hormonal Rollercoaster & Your Nervous System: How Early Attachment Plays a Role
Ever wonder why breaking free from a narcissist feels so hard? It’s not just emotional—it’s biological. And it often starts in childhood.
Oxytocin (The Bonding Hormone & Early Attachment) – As children, we rely on oxytocin to bond with caregivers. But if love was inconsistent—sometimes warm, sometimes withdrawn—we learned to chase connection. When a narcissist love-bombs you, your brain releases oxytocin, mirroring that early attachment bond and making you deeply trust them, even when red flags appear.
Cortisol & Stress (The Anxiety of Uncertainty) – If you grew up with emotionally unavailable or unpredictable caregivers, your nervous system was wired to expect instability. When the narcissist withdraws or devalues you, cortisol floods your body, triggering a fight-or-flight response. This is why you feel anxious, panicked, or desperate to “fix” things—your body is reliving that childhood fear of abandonment.
Dopamine (The Addictive High of Their Return) – When the narcissist suddenly comes back with apologies or breadcrumb affection, your brain rewards you with dopamine—just like it did when an inconsistent caregiver finally gave you attention. That’s why the cycle feels addictive: your brain was wired to believe that love is something you must earn.
✨But here’s the truth: Real love is safe, consistent, and doesn’t require you to suffer first. Healing means regulating your nervous system, creating new secure attachments, and knowing that you are worthy—without needing to chase, fix, or prove yourself.
✨You deserve safety, stability, and true connection. If you’re ready to heal, you’re not alone.
#TraumaHealing #NarcissisticAbuse #CPTSDRecovery #AttachmentHealing #BreakTheCycle #MentalHealthAwareness
#attachment #innerwisdom #journey
Mar 4
Reparenting your #innerchild is a beautiful act of giving to yourself that involves providing the nurturing and support that may have been lacking in your earlier years. Did you know that there are four pillars to this process? Together-discipline, #selfcare, joy, and emotional regulation offer a holistic approach to this transformative process.
✨Discipline may look like creating a foundation of structure, rituals, and routine in your daily life with the goal of bringing stability and security. Consistency is key, remember we want to provide a sense of safety and predictability that your inner child craves. #InnerChildReparenting #DisciplineMatters
✨Self-Care may look like prioritizing moments of self-love and well-being. Engaging in activities that nourish the body, mind, and soul. Each act of self-care communicates to your inner child that their needs are not just important but deserve attention. You matter. #SelfCareJourney #NurtureYourself
✨#joy may look like infusing your days with genuine happiness, spontaneity, and playfulness. Rediscover the activities that bring you pure joy, embrace the wonder and curiosity of the inner child. Here laughter becomes a healing melody.
✨Emotional Regulation may look like cultivating a mindful approach to navigate the ebb and flow of emotions. Identifying, validating, and regulating feelings without judgment. This creates a safe emotional haven for your inner child to flourish. #EmotionalWellness #MindfulLiving
Together, these pillars weave a tapestry of healing and transformation. It is an honor for me to share in this #journey of reparenting with you. You are now the wise parent-- taking responsibility to address those needs that were not met. #nurture, embrace, and #welcomehome your inner child. They have been waiting. #ReparentingJourney #InnerChildHealing #SelfLoveRevolution #innerwisdom #attachment #highervibes #massapequa #massapequatherapist #heal #wisdom #innerwisdom
Feb 25
What does your brain tell you when you experience an unexpected or disappointing event?
For many, the stories our #brain tells us about these events can lead us to feel unloved, unimportant, invisible, and forgotten.
Why would we give heed to these negative #narratives about our life experiences, especially when they create anger, pain, or isolation? It sounds counterintuitive indeed.
Remember, we are primed for #survival, and when there is uncertainty or unpredictability our brain reads this as a threat or danger. It jumps in with a story and it calls on the #unconscious for the details of this narrative. The details are driven by our #memories, conditioning, and self-beliefs. A negative story is better than uncertainty- right? Probably not.
We are triggered not by the event, but by the story our brain tells us about the event fueled by unconscious #fears and #beliefs.
The brain is not in the business of assuaging our #anxiety or making us #happy. It is concerned with survival and can often operate in overdrive or hypervigilance.
Separating ourselves from this process is essential if we are to achieve emotional regulation, healthier #relationships, confidence, and a grounded daily life.
Start by acknowledging this process. Witness it, jot it down, acknowledge it. Then share it like this "The story my brain tells me about ___ is ______." Be willing to acknowledge uncertainty, and the #truth--we can`t ever fully understand, under assumption alone, why anyone else does what they do.
Stay curious, stay humble, increase self-belief, and move beyond old narratives. Triggers can be our teachers, but only if we see them as opportunities to learn about ourselves versus opportunities to learn about others. Strive to act with consciousness, as this will always be the most direct path toward alignment with the truth of who you are.
#heal #massapequatherapist #relationships #growthmindset #insight #psychotherapy #ego #childhood #wisdom
Sep 13
✨”The #vitality of the private self depends on the capacity to generate #meaning;
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✨the ability to generate meaning is a ‘psychic triumph’ leading to mental #growth, expansion of #consciousness, deep pleasure, self regulation and #connection.
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✨The inability to make meaning is a ‘psychic catastrophe,’ leading to mental shrinkage, constricted consciousness, disorganization, fear, dysregulation, anxiety, disconnection, and loneliness.” - Modell & Tronick
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#makingmeaningmonday #massapequa #traumarecovery
Jun 12
What should couples therapy that is emotionally focused look like?
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✨In the first stage we are identifying failing communication strategies, calling them out, and stabilizing any negative #communication styles.
✨Next we begin to examine each individual’s #attachment history, their related attachment style, and then getting to the heart of how this attachment style + unmet attachment need drive the negative cycle in the relationship.
✨We now can move into the stage of building #empathy and understanding for each other. No one is “right” or “wrong.” We are operating in a relational #ecosystem.
✨This then allows movement toward both an increase in emotional #connection + space for a growing #bond.
✨Circling back to where we started, we begin to acknowledge #conflict is inevitable. Healthy problem solving and effective conflict resolution are real and essential.
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Couples have sometimes said “you’re our last chance.” They are reminded that I am here with them in their journey to find the truth; they then choose to do what they wish with this truth. They are empowered with #selfawareness, skills, and a realignment to the relational unit enough that they can do great things with the #truth if they wish.
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#massapequa #massapequatherapist #attachment #marriageiswork #marriagetherapy #tuesdaythoughts #growthmindset #love #bonding #repair #highervibes #heal
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Feb 7
Ever try to talk about something important or potentially conflictual with your partner only to have it go supremely bad? Let’s rewind the tape and see what may have gone wrong.
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Here are some key points to check in with before and during a difficult conversation:
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✨Is my #partner willing to take accountability and repair with me? Am I ready to do the same?
✨Am I ready to discuss this issue without getting back into conflict? Have I effectively self-soothed, am I feeling grounded around this issue? Do I believe I can better regulate my emotions/nervous system? Have I asked my partner where they are at on these points?
✨Do I now see my role in things?
✨Have I reflected on what I really NEED from my partner? This will greatly aid in reducing #criticism of one’s partner.
✨Am I ready to show empathy to my partner? Have I considered their perspective and am I ready to offer validity to that?
✨Am I ready and willing to see my partner as not just human, but different than me? Am I willing to honor this distinction and their subjective reality?
✨Am I fighting to be right or ready to bridge the gap and come together as allies —to move past the impasse and forge #growth?
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Remember, when dealing with #conflict, what matters most is HOW the conflict is managed, and essentially how quickly and effectively #repaired if it goes haywire.
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✨✨The trifecta of success is always #awareness #accountability and proper processing of unfinished business.
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#growthmindset #lovevibes #marriageadvice #relationshipgoals #change #heal #couples #couplesgoals #highervibes #awareness #attach #attitude #massapequa #masapequatherapist
Sep 19
Triggers are our #teachers.
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When we are triggered we automatically enter into a self-protective state. This is because we are experiencing, in the present, pain from our past that has not been released yet from the body.
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When we are brought back to this past unprocessed space in our body, we may act as though there is actual danger. We dive into fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode. We may develop tunnel vision. When our mind goes back we may experience poor processing of stimuli and emotional dysregulation. We may engage in cognitive distortion i.e. “I am unloved.” “I am being abandoned.” “I’ll never be enough.”
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Our mind and body are going back to a core wound created during the initial painful event. This may be why you feel like you are having a highly emotional reaction that is disproportionate to the event at hand.
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If we are committed to our growth, we may begin to use these moments as opportunities... to breed self awareness, to act with greater consciousness, to heal, to act in ways that are more aligned with the #truth of who we are.
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Consider these questions to get you started in making better use of your triggers.
✨In that present moment, what expectations did I have that were not met?
✨When expectations are not met, what feelings manifest?
✨When I feel threatened I usually respond or act in what way?
✨What role did I have in creating this moment/issue?
✨When I feel threatened or vulnerable, what defense mechanism do I use?
✨What is my true underlying fear in all of this?
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#self #awareness #growthmindset #highervibes #attachment #thursday #therapythursdays #ego #loss #heal #freedom #relationshipgoals #massapequa #massapequatherapist #in
Jul 14
To #love someone, and to identify with his or her struggles and #joys as if they were your own, you have to surrender some of your self.
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This can be tough for those operating with #ego, or for those #couples that have experienced relational neglect and subsequent loss of #trust.
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So what exactly does it mean to #surrender one’s self?
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It means, for a moment, to totally focus on your partner. To temporarily forego your own stance and concerns. To put yourself in your partner’s shoes, and really understand what they are saying. To communicate to your partner that their thoughts and feelings matter and make sense.
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So how easy is this for most couples? Not at all. What I see most is a desire and perspective that one IS offering this, while in actuality ego is still driving the response —which naturally prompts challenging , defensiveness, and minimizing.
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So how to get it right, or as close to right as possible ( remember effort should be celebrated just as much as proper execution).
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In these moments statements of empathy and understanding are paramount. They do NOT equal agreement, nor any hierarchy of emotional significance. They simply convey, in this moment that what you are feeling, thinking, experiencing, matters to me, and because I love you I want to understand you. .
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They may sound like:
✨You’re making total sense.
✨You are in a lot of pain. I can feel it
✨I wish you didn’t have to go through this.
✨This is very scary.
✨Tell me what you see as your choices here.
✨That would have hurt my feelings too.
✨I’m on your side.
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Today, consider how temporarily sacrificing yourself to make space for another-to show them they are “real” too —can ultimately create the #secure base and #connection your #relationship was meant to reflect.
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#wednesdaymood #wednesdaywisdom #innerpeace #attachment #couples #couplesgoals #innerhealing #healthier #highervibes #heal #self #insight #instafollow #massapequa #wednesdays #psychotherapynetworker
May 18
Effective #communication is the single most #healing tool available to #couples to rebuild #trust, establish #friendship, increase #intimacy and #safety, as well as effectively resolve conflict. Communication is the bridge that guides the couple back to a place of #shared-meaning, #hope, and #joy.
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But how is it done and why do so many couples struggle with this?
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The quick answer...communication is not an innate skill, it is learned through modeling and experience. So essentially your communication is only as healthy and effective as what you witnessed and experienced in early #relationships.
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So how to do it?
Here’s some quick tips:
✨Make it safe. Check your body language and emotional toll before attempting to be speaker or listener.
✨Show interest. As listener, ask for further information and give space. “What else are you feeling around this issue?”
✨As speaker, avoid assumptions, blame or “you” statements. Speak without the intention to hurt. Know your partners triggers and sore spots. Avoid them.
✨See fear behind anger. Be on the lookout for it. Call it out. Say, “ I see how upsetting/scary this is for you. What do you need from me in this moment?”
✨Leave your ego out of it. This isn’t about winning or being right.
✨Try to build habits around focusing on one partner at a time. No ping-pong matches.
✨Avoid defenses—criticism, defensiveness, contempt, projection. Look for the antidotes. Use them.
✨Use humor, touch, and employ self-soothing to avoid being overwhelmed physiologically and ultimately #stonewalling.
✨Repair, repair, repair. We will never always get it right. Repair goes a long way in conveying attunement, #respect, and #connection. “That came out wrong. This is what I am trying to say.”
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What new #skills are you willing to bring into your next conversation with your #partner?
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#higherconsciousness #highervibrations #couplegoals #massapequa #massapequatherapist #ego #self #wednesdaywisdom #insight #therapist #growthmindset #innerpeace #greateryou #attachmenttheory
May 11
We are all #storytellers. Our stories are critical #pieces to understanding and being #understood. They are shaped by our past experiences, our present feelings, and our future #dreams. They carve out our internal landscape and shape who we are. They become the foundation upon which we create culture with our partner.
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When we wish away our stories, the stories of our relationship, or those of our partner, we wish ourselves or other out of existence. It is nearly impossible to move forward without first understanding and giving space to these stories, however dicey or difficult.
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Encouraging story telling from our partner is essential and a gift of #turningtowards. How can you become a #curious #listener? How can you seek out the opportunities for #discovery? —remember, they are boundless.
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Today strive to create context to explore each other’s current fears, hopes, stressors, needs, and experiences. Create rituals around hearing these stories and sharing your own. Begin to ask bigger questions to get bigger #answers.
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✨Try this: “ what do you need right now in a #friend ? “
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#self #attachment #couplegoals #couplestherapy #innerwork #fridayvibes #intimacy #massapequa #massapequatherapist #highervibes #self #growthmindset @katetheo79
Apr 8
Where a #couple is suffering through a perpetual problem, what most often has gone overlooked is the underlying #dream. What this means is that the couple has not given space to identifying and deeply understanding the #core feelings and #beliefs beneath the surface of this #symbolic conflict.
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What is a dream? Well, it often relates to an earlier unmet need or value that may promote safety or #purpose, among other things. It can relate to having a sense of freedom, to having adventure, to getting over a personal fear, or having a sense of order in ones world. Dreams are varied and subjective. Very often, these dreams are born out of stories from #childhood or past experiences—losses, regrets, unfulfilled wishes, pains.
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The goals become to move from gridlock to dialogue around this issue, and then to work toward a #commitment to creating space to #honor this within the relationship.
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Many couples are relieved to hear that the goal here is not necessarily to solve this issue or resolve the conflict—it may always be there..it’s perpetual—and there is no expectation for one partner to fix this or change for the other. The goal is simply to breed dialogue, insight, and #honor into the union.
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Many couples feel good with these #goals. They both feel valued and influential - there is no “winner.”
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Want to try to work on this? The most perfect and basic way to begin may be to simply share, “help me understand why this is so important to you.” Open up space to hear the dream. To learn the #wish. To know the needs and fears associated with this dream never being realized. Once you deeply understand, it can be hard NOT to want to allow this dream to be realized for your partner.
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#couplegoals #therapy #therapythursdays #insight #growthmindset #heal #self #insta @diztantdreamer
Jan 27
#Sacrifice is a bogus #love. It doesn’t really serve anyone. A #reallove extends its self and #creates. Sacrifice often ends with self abasement and resentment. It is a counterfeit #commitment that withholds the most basic #giving and #receiving. It is closed off versus open. It keeps track. What’s worse, when we are in sacrifice, we are withholding ourselves creating a slew of imbalance in the relationship.
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What do we really want to accomplish with sacrifice? Sacrifice can be a form of avoidance- tied often to feelings of unworthiness, guilt or shame. It can be an overcompensation tied with fears or beliefs rooted in past failures or experiences. It can be a means to control and right some wrongs of the past.
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Knowing the difference between sacrifice and love centers us in the #truth of who we are and what we truly want our #relationship to be. How can you begin to move out of sacrifice and into the vulnerabilities and unpredictability of true #giving and receiving —or love. In as much as it is the truth that It is only in true giving that we receive—what do you hope to receive in your relationship? Today try to begin that conversation as a first step toward #reciprocity, #connection, and #creation.
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#therapythoughts #couples #couplegoals #relationshipgoals #therapy #massapequatherapist #higherself #growthmindset #self #consciousness #innerpeace
Jan 13
The #ego is that part of you that lives just outside of your #conscious #awareness- directing thoughts, feelings, and reactions in a sort of auto-pilot mode. Essentially, it is the story of you, based on your past lived experiences, and internalized messages of worth and value. While the #ego helps you to navigate the world and to make sense of things, it can also cause great suffering. This is because it is covert, and it overestimates danger and likes to keep you “safe” which often=small/predictable.
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Harnessing the true potential #power of the ego, happens only when you can challenge the endless mental chatter about self, other and world. In doing this, you begin to move beyond a small predetermined story of you and other and into an observing, non judgmental, and inquisitive role. You may begin to see you are not your thoughts, and others are not the thoughts you have of them. You are moving away from traditional ego #strategies of defensiveness, blame, and #projection. ...Instantly braver, wiser, able to examine the world with openness. A transition from what does this say about YOU, to what does this say about #ME.
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Ego + awareness is what allows this construct to guide you instead of rule you. ✨How can you expand on the story of you today?
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#massapequa #massapequatherapist #psychotherapy #growthmindset #greateryou #attachmenttheory #consciousness #innerpeace #innerknowing #selflove #freedom #heal #friday #fridayvibes
Oct 15
A common complaint in #couples work-my partner used to be different: more fun, more sexual, more adventurous, more tuned into me. While some of these transitions/losses may have taken place because of past injuries in the relationship, and thereby enduring resentments, (and as such, a processing of these would be necessary, and can evoke enough healing to begin to breathe life back into these relationship qualities) other times we may need to honor that our partner has simply changed. Long-term relationships hold the unique quality of us being able to witness the many “deaths” and “rebirths” that take place in our partner’s character. Life itself, personal experience, growth, choices to move in a different direction than we expected, and emotional and physical challenges may all change a person from who they once were in our eyes. While it is normal to hope for the return of some of these earlier sparks, or predictable behaviors, it is not fair, nor productive, to hold our partner accountable to some old version of them self. It is instead necessary to grieve together, recognizing and honoring these losses and in dong so move toward a lifting that evokes new character formations and renewed intrigue of our partner. Our partner changing can erase some old sense of predictability we held in our relationship. Letting go of this can naturally stir up anxieties. Acceptance may not be easy during times of unsteady transition, yet it is precisely what is needed if you wish to create fertile ground for abounding growth. Acceptance creates the security and freedom necessary to explore and to evolve. Remember, #change is often preceded by some necessary darkness or discomfort. Simply insisting that things be just as they were is very often a sign of our own #ego fears of losing control, instead of being rooted in #trust —that goodness is not lost but can come to us in unforeseen forms.
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#relationshipgoals #couplegoals #change #loss #attachmentstyles #attachmenttheory #psychology #psychotherapy #selflove #freedom #growthmindset #acceptance #massapequa #massapequatherapist #life #lettinggo #insight #heal @galaxigabriel
Aug 22
The #innerchild is something we all carry with us. It is made up of our earliest experiences (usually birth through the age of 5) and influences our core beliefs, our sense of #self / #other, our emotional intelligence and ability to regulate and #soothe. These together form the basis of our relational strategies and dynamics. Wow! ..that’s quite a #powerful influence. Our inner child is only as healthy as we were seen, heard, validated, and #secure in our early life. It’s no wonder a neglected or #wounded inner child of the past can be major source of adult misery. You may experience your own inner child during moments that draw from the past all-too familiar feelings or beliefs.
Imagine a scared, angry, or sad 5-year-old calling the shots in your day. What would that look like? How would that feel? What types of experiences would that create for you? What would you say to that 5-year-old? What would that 5-year-old have to say to you? Let`s begin a dialogue with that inner child today.
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#friday #massapequa #massapequatherapist #attachmenttheory #relationshipgoals #couples #therapy #growthmindset #insight #heal #ego #childhood #wisdom #innerpeace
@indg0
Jun 11
#Relationships are our mirror. They reflect back to us our ego’s fragile view of love, other, and self. Where the #ego sets out to “defend” and “protect” it sees things to fear, control, and change. It reveals our earliest parent-child dynamics and the ways in which we were conditioned in areas of #trust, #acceptance, #connection, and #safety.
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Relationships always have a strong proclivity to act out early experiences and disowned parts of self—the biggest loss is we are not creating a relationship of present mindedness nor are we #self-actualizing within it. Instead, we are recreating pain, looking for the bad guy, trying to escape and get out of the game, we are aiming to blame instead of witnessing the ways we still need to #heal and acknowledging the areas we still need to work on.
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Relationship recovery always entails embarking on one’s #self and a #journey of compassion and #truth. It takes work, a lot of it, (after all we are unraveling years of conditioned responses and tightly tucked away parts of self). It takes a great deal of self reflection in order to create a #maturelove reflective of your greatest self. It takes the willingness to examine our #shadow, or the parts we have hidden away because of shame. These are the parts are ego has convinced us are not our own, but are reflected back to us in those painful moments with our #partner.
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You can have a #freeing, #accepting #love. You can have a love that is flexible, #authentic, and #affirming. But it all starts with #you.
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#wednesdayvibes #wednesdaywisdom #therapist #heal #attachmenttheory #massapequa #massapequatherapist #relationshipgoals #couplestherapy #psychotherapy #journey #greatest #selflove @kamila.lenarcik
May 5
#Wisdom is the great comforter. When we harness this #power, we pass over the #shadows of rigidity, superiority, and self-centeredness. Black and white logic is abandoned in favor of an #intuitive knowledge that is flexible and forgiving: that allows for imperfections and transcends self righteousness. It is no longer true that good people only do all good things or have only all good qualities. We witness the suffering and confusion in us as a magnification of these conditions in others. Our sense of #self is no longer disrupted by the difficulties we have endured. Clarity allows us to feel safe, #whole and grounded once again. We are humbled and soothed by our wisdom. Today our wisdom sets us #free.
✨Where your #heart holds #bitterness, ask yourself, “what do I still need to learn or understand?”
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#carljung #carljungquotes #jungianpsychology #therapy #therapytuesday #massapequamoms #massapequatherapist #collectiveunconscious #heal #growthmindset #innerpeace #psychotherapy #selflove #freedom #individuation #relationshipgoals #couplestherapist
Jan 12
Our conversation is just getting started.